I push everyone away because I know they deserve better than me. I’m a horrible fucking person and I’ll make up any shitty excuse to not be close with them. I hate myself for it but I know they’ll be better off without me. I have ruined countless relationships as well as friendships being like this. I can’t help but feel guilty that they’re wasting their time on someone who isn’t sure they even want to be alive. I don’t want to hurt people because it’s all I seem to do. I have even resorted to lying and telling people I love deeply, that I don’t love them anymore. I can’t even stop myself from doing this anymore. It’s a habit now and I don’t know how to quit.